By Diego Morra
“Don’t touch me. I’m the son of Sen. Rene Cayetano.” This quotable quote came from then UP Student Councilor Alan Peter Cayetano after he and other rallyists were arrested by police during a rally in Manila in 1990. So different from what the twin sons of a deceased Bulacan congressman did when they were apprehended by police for a minor traffic violation. The two, who were high school students then, never said they were the lawmaker’s sons and must not be touched. They were penalized. The police later confirmed that they were the congressman’s sons.
These two incidents illustrate who among the “nepo babies” would readily invoke their father’s lofty position to wiggle their way out of a simple problem, like being nabbed for exercising their constitutionally-protected right to assemble and seek redress of grievances. The illustrious Alan Peter Cayetano should have also insisted that police officers respect his right, being the son of an American, to lead a rally and be treated with kid gloves, never mind if other UP student leaders were truncheoned, manhandled and booked.
This Alan Peter anecdote was published in the Philippine Collegian but the story about the two sons of the Bulacan congressman was not. They avoided the limelight, saying it was “nakahihiya” to drop the name of their father. Cayetano sought quick release, being the son of an elected official. A former UP student, now a journalist, witnessed Alan Peter’s name dropping. This is the Alan Peter Cayetano of “ligtas-katawan” notoriety, like the guard at the burning Ozone pub in Quezon City who pushed customers inside for not paying their bills but managed to let congressmen and some procurers out of the venue to save them their blazing unscheduled entry to hell.
The anecdote tells a ton about the now-questionable Senate President Alan President Cayetano, the architect of the coup that ousted Senate President Tito Sotto last month. The congressman’s sons had the decency not to drop their father’s name; Cayetano automatically dropped kumpanyero’s name and title to avoid getting charged with a fictitious offense. This is the same Cayetano who supported his brother’s opponent in the 2025 congressional race in Taguig City. He also happens to be the husband of a former mayor of Taguig who feuded with councilors and padlocked the session hall of the city council. Authoritarianism blossoms in a matrimonial bed in Taguig.
Moreover, city residents say Cayetano and his wife, Taguig Mayor Lani Cayetano, can conceivably run for the two congressional districts in the future since the boundary of the two districts slices through the matrimonial bed in their Taguig condo. The occupants of that matrimonial bed may soon represent all of Taguig City in the House of Representatives, in case voters still find it fitting in their heart of hearts to establish a conjugal dictatorship in the city. Cayetano also tried to raise 10,000 questions about the purported overpriced Senate building now rising in Taguig, but he has not clarified the serious questions about the irregularities that sullied the country’s hosting of The South East Asian Games (SEAG) in 2019, when he was seconded by his partner, the now-incarcerated ex-president Rodrigo Duterte, to manage the construction of sports facilities costing billions of pesos, topped by the P55-million “work of art” cauldron.
From his much-criticized conduct as a campus politician, to his cadging campaign funds from taipans, to his weird arrangement to share the speakership with Marinduque Rep. Lord Allan Velasco, and his futile attempt not to yield to Velasco when his time was up (insisting he had the majority with him, when he didn’t, and damn the solemn agreement to hold power only for 15 months), to his justifying the crimes against humanity committed by Duterte’s dogs of the drug war (he told a US network as foreign secretary that all those killed were drug dealers, including the babies, the minors and the infirm.) In his fawning servility to Duterte, he has swallowed the guff and spit out for the entire disgusted world to see. Figures don’t lie, but liars figure, said Mark Twain, but Cayetano’s figures are always wrong, just as he twists rules and mangles justifications to suit his script for the day.
Cayetano made a fool of himself by compelling the perennial absentee Ronald “Bato” de la Rosa to materialize at the Senate in time or the coup, and when the job was done, they contrived the “siege of the Senate” starring Mao Aplasca, who was named sergeant-at-arms to better “secure” his Mistah, Bato de la Rosa. Firing his automatic rifle at an empty, dark nook of the Senate, Aplasca created the situation for de la Rosa to escape with more than a little help from Robin Padilla. Bato’s skedaddle also set the stage for another skirmish, with the Cayetano majority reduced technically to only 12 as a fugitive’s vote doesn’t count. With Chiz Escudero abandoning him and other senators furious at the Senate building losing air-conditioning and wi-fi on Cayetano’s orders, the exit ramp awaits Alan Peter.
To make a mockery of the Senate as a deliberative assembly, Cayetano and his lieutenant Rodante Marcoleta tried to revise Senate rules by proposing to allow absent senators to vote via Zoom or Facebook or other forms of social media. This attempt is nothing a brazen gimmick to allow senators on the lam or those detained to cast their votes without being physically present during the plenary. It would be a plus for the conscienceless pro-Duterte senators to vote for their non-performing, rainbow-chasing goddess Sara Zimmerman Duterte Carpio and prevent her conviction by the impeachment court. Now that the Senate is poised to formally kick out Cayetano as Senate President, he reiterated his worn-out scheme for “power sharing” with Senate President Pro tempore Sherwin Gatchalian. Of course, Gatchalian junked the idea. Cayetanism ‘til the very end, and it will never secure the victory the beleaguered Alan Peter thinks he deserves. #
